Whew! And, we're back. The hiatus was due to my brain completely shutting down as I got ready for the crazy week we just had - flying solo with E., two weddings in two places in two days, three nights with a sitter, bouncing all around Texas, our first night away from the baby - to celebrate some of our nearest and dearest family and friends. Of course I carved out prime real estate in my diaper bag for my huge camera, but only managed to take pictures for about an hour the entire time we were there. Sigh.
These are a few from a breezy afternoon at her Cita and Daddy Jack's house. She had a precious coat and bonnet to go with this dress for the wedding we attended, but the weather was so pleasant the afternoon of the wedding that she didn't need it.
Leg #1 was to celebrate Miller's first cousin Ben and his bride Amanda, who were getting married in an intimate ceremony at Nicholas' family's ranch in Amarillo on Friday, 11.11.11 (at 11 a.m., naturally). The wedding was gorgeous, the bride staggeringly beautiful, the groom grinning ear to ear, the weather absolutely perfect. The baby was, well...a little less angelic than I'd hoped she'd be. Just when you think you've got them figured out, it turns out, you don't! As my mom says, babies always make a liar out of you (these pictures are a great example - you'd never know she had such a hard time!).
It wasn't her fault of course; for whatever reason, be it her finnicky age, being in a new place, the higher altitude, or perhaps her less than adept mother, she was just so unsettled and had a terrible time sleeping/napping soundly while we were there. "She sleeps through the night," I said. "She should be fine, she just ate," I would assure them. Ha. Not so much. It seemed like every time I was optimistic she would be ok - to watch the ceremony, go out for a rare girls' night, take a quick bath for heaven's sake - she cried. Nothing makes you feel like a terrible mother more than a baby you don't seem to have a handle on. And well, maybe I just didn't. I had flown up early with her hoping to give her some extra time with her grandparents, and letting her settle in to avoid pushing her too hard, but I think we probably did, and I felt so badly for her. I'm not sure what we would have done differently, but it still felt like a big fat FAIL in mothering. I know new situations are good for her adaptability, blah blah blah. But it doesn't mean it's easy, and there were a few times I wanted to melt down with her. Wahhhh!
Lest you think it had disappeared...here's the lip out in not quite full force.
She was very good on the flights, but the overarching theme and topic of conversation of our Amarillo leg seemed to be what a fussy, inconsolable baby Eliza was. I swear, she isn't! Most of the time she looks like this. Mama guilt abounds.
I'm quite sure my anxiety over her not sleeping just made it worse, but it was distressing knowing our first night away from her was looming, and I was a wreck come Saturday at 5 a.m. We were headed back to Austin to drop our unsettled baby off with my mom for 24 hours. We had a reservation at the Driskill (where we had our reception 4 years ago) for the wedding of one of my oldest and dearest friends, Martha and her groom Tim. If we could have, I would have bailed on the hotel room and gone home that night. But thankfully, Eliza did beautifully by all accounts, which was such a relief - so much so that we stretched the next morning into a delicious, leisurely brunch. The wedding was moving and elegant, sweet Martha never more stunning; it ended up being such a great night and much-needed little getaway for us both.
Anyway, I was pathetically guilt-ridden about putting her through so much, but there was no way we could choose between them as both couples meant a lot to us. Little Lizzy Lou seems to have survived the whole thing unscathed, unsurprisingly...though I think her mama will take a few more days to recover! She did love seeing her Aunties and her grandparents - maybe so much so that she just never wanted to sleep.
This weekend was my "onramp" to the holidays, as my mom calls it. As soon as it was over, it was time to start thinking about making a few busted pies for our two Thanksgivings, and get going on the many different lists for Christmas. I love the holidays. I'm sure, like our little wedding adventure, it will be a whole new experience with a baby in the mix, but I can hardly wait! Ho ho ho!
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