Better in threes

Three months have now passed with such simultaneous haste and sluggishness that I can hardly believe we are here, in the magic month. I didn't quite get it - these strangers would come up to me at places like Target and assure me it would all be better at 3 months. I hadn't complained; they just offered this encouraging tidbit out of the blue. Maybe it was the circles under my eyes or my generally haggard appearance with my tiny baby in tow. I'm not going to completely sugarcoat it - some parts have been no bueno, and I'll just leave it at that. Miss Eliza Louise, however, is a little ray of sunshine. And Miller continues to shine despite it all. And we are here! Three months! Hallelujah!

So, here's where I get a bit gooshy. This baby is so darn sweet I sometimes just can't handle it. Do you know what I mean? I am starting to understand what our moms have always talked about - wishing I could freeze time. I already know I will miss her being this small, nuzzled so contentedly into the crook of my arm as she drifts off to a nap. I hate putting her down in her crib (and so does she, for what it's worth) because I know someday I will really, really long for this - reading aloud and rocking my only little one down to sleep in a quiet house. Sometimes I look down from reading, thinking she's surely off to sleep by now, only to find her suddenly wide-eyed and staring straight up at me. She breaks into a huge grin through her passy, like she's been caught. Oh! Lordy. It's just too much.

A few days ago, I had E. in the sling as we cruised through the ice cream aisle (as I mentioned, my drug of choice these days) and I reached down to stroke her sleepy little cheek. She reached up and pulled my hand down and clutched it so tight to her chest that my heart skipped a beat. I pushed the cart around the rest of the store one-handed so she could keep holding on. Such a little thing, during such an ordinary, routine day, but one of those moments you cling to. She has started grabbing for my hand all the time and I simply can't get enough.

And tonight out of nowhere, she just started having a conversation with me, making a zillion different sounds I've never heard before as she tried with all her might to tell me about our day. She'd been cooing plenty, but this was different. Rapid-fire exclamation and emotion. It was, well, adorable. I adore her. The magic moments we don't see coming are the ones we will look back and treasure. I wouldn't mind trading out a few days here and there (screaming through a nap stand-off? anyone?). But suddenly there are entire days I just want to rewind and relive. There it is - the magic switch. I hope she always knows how precious she is to us.

While it takes mere hours for a baby to make you "parents," looking back, we didn't really become a father or a mother overnight. We are still shedding some of ourselves, our old lives, our previous expectations to make way for these new people - parents - that we are becoming. I am not sure if it's gotten easier or we've just adjusted, or both. Weeks are filled with days that are rocky and smooth, smooth and then rocky as we navigate our ever-changing baby and adjust to her evolving needs. Each day we learn more about her, and our new selves, and each day we get a little further from the people we were before she came into our lives. But we are better for it! Most days anyway.

Our little family of 3, for better and worse, has found itself happily at 3 months. We have fallen madly, deeply in love with our little Lizzy Lou - and we are pretty sure she's smitten with us too.