Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine

I awoke this morning with sweet Georgia by my side, as she always is when my heart is heavy. 

Yesterday evening we learned that a fellow W&L alum, nearly six months pregnant, passed away after being swept off a sandbar in North Carolina. Her husband fought mightily to save her from drowning and remains in critical condition. Though I have friends who knew her well, I hardly knew her at all, but such a loss reverberates around the country through the strong ties of the W&L community. And while I know that kind of pain well - the pain of a tragic, sudden loss - I would never begin to know how her family is feeling, or how they will cope with the loss of both Jill and their baby girl, who they had named Olive. It's an almost unthinkable tragedy and she and those who loved her will be on my mind often in the coming weeks.

Today would be my brother Andrew's 28th birthday; it's always a hard day. I have little traditions I do to celebrate and remember him, like buying lunch for a homeless person, because that's something he would think is cool. I do not do anything to mark the day he died, because it is very close to his birthday and seems quite unnecessary after celebrating his life.

Last year I started a new tradition with E; each year on his birthday we will go and pick out one of his favorite children's books to add to her library. He was a voracious reader, and I like that it's a little piece of him she will know as she grows. I've made special bookplates for those books; last year it was the Cat in the Hat, which some of you may remember was a very early favorite of hers. I think this year it will be Richard Scarry.

One thing I know for sure is that your heart is marked forever by those we love and lose too soon. It took me many years to come through the fog; I'm not sure it lifted entirely until well into my late 20s. Even in the fog, life marched on, and I was carried with it, finishing my senior year, graduating from W&L, beginning my first job, getting married. I grappled with depression off and on through that time, understanding and processing the loss, regaining perspective as an only child, and overcoming the toll it took on my ability to cope (I'm sure the high-stress, long hours job I had didn't help matters - but lordy I had some crazy lady moments back then!). It took years. And moments like our wedding day, or the birth of my daughter, are truly perfect except that he is missing. And that is always, always there. But somehow, I know, so is he.

The only thing that these unthinkable tragedies do is radically alter your perspective on life; hopefully for the better, though understandably sometimes it's very hard to come through the pain. For me, about five years down the road, I finally zeroed in on the most important thing, which was that my brother and I had two hour-long conversations in the two weeks before his sudden passing, one of which was on the same night that he died. They were the only lengthy phone conversations we had ever had since I'd gone away to college.  We talked about the wonderful, haunting Johnny Cash album that had just been released. We bonded about stuff. We were growing into adult siblings, and out of snarky teenagers who merely acknowledged one another's presence. I'm so glad I answered the phone that night.

Coming out of the "fog," I made a conscious decision to slow down and live more in the present. I awoke one day, four and a half years into my career and knew that I would never be happy with my current job as my "career." I would one day look back with deep regret, realizing how much of my life it had consumed.

We had an opportunity to go to London for a semester of Miller's law school - throwing down payment money, my job, and savings irresponsibly down the drain - and while it felt like such a gamble then, it's an experience I wouldn't trade for anything. My brother, I knew, would be proud of me for chucking it all in favor of an enriching adventure, because, though two and a half years my junior, he was an actual genius and wise beyond his years. Going to Beijing for the '08 Olympics on a week's notice whim was another of those "chuck it" moments, as I truly thought they may fire me but we bought the tickets anyway. Staying home with my baby girl is time I'll never get again - babies don't keep, and for me personally, it's exactly where I want to be right now. I am so, so fortunate to be able to do it. I want to work again, someday, hopefully pursuing something I am passionate about...but for now, this is where I want to be. Living in the present, enjoying my family. I don't ever want to have any regrets. What a gift that is.



"Today, while the blossoms still sing to the vine" is a favorite old camp song of mine, and I've sung it to Eliza as a lullaby since she was a teensy little thing. Now she knows it is the cue to snuggle in and take her thumb before I put her down to sleep. It ends with, "a million tomorrows shall all pass away, 'ere I forget, all the joys that are mine - today." Even on the tough days, it centers me as a reminder to slow down, count my many blessings, stop worrying, and enjoy this moment. This moment, as they say, is your life.





XO
lmm

In which I apologize, then overcompensate with a massive Instagram dump and some news.

Sorry, sorry. I swear, we have been very busy. My portrait lens is on the fritz again so this post is one big Instagram dump. Apologies to my Instagram followers!

To backtrack a bit, at the end of June we took a very quick trip to Colorado. In hindsight, maybe too quick. We went to attend the wedding of our friend Rob in Durango, and conveniently Daddy Jack and Cita have a beautiful cabin just an hour away. We brought Eliza so that we could help Daddy Jack celebrate a very big birthday, and then she could hang out with her grandparents while we celebrated Rob's nuptials with our W&L amigos. Good plan, right? Hmm. Well, evidently no one told United Airlines our plan, and thus our trip getting there was an absolute nightmare. Poor Eliza remained in good spirits through it all (really, not much fazes her) and I was very, very glad I brought my arsenal of way more snacks and toys than I thought we could ever use. In the end we did get there. And hey, we even got a free carseat out of it (which now lives in Amarillo). It was just...a very. long. day. 

This is roughly hour 8 of airport purgatory, starting to feel a bit like I'm trapped in a Tom Hanks movie. "Bun bun, the amazing bouncing bunny!" is wearing thin.

This is the only way we roll these days, accessorized with baby doll in tow.

Happy birthday, Daddy Jack! We love you!

I suffered from a bit of travel weariness/altitude sickness/otherwise bad mountain trip timing and became ill the afternoon after we arrived - too green to make it to the rehearsal dinner. Sad panda. But, I understand it was a very good time, as these affairs tend to be when all of us reunite for a wedding. The wedding was beautiful, held in the countryside of the Rocky Mountains.

Rob is an avid sailor (as well as a beekeeper), so I thought it was quite clever that the guests signed the book of knots in lieu of the traditional guestbook.

The happy couple

Durango wedding, sunset

#weddingsinourthirties

Wedding day. Rob's lovely bride Vaughn is a total and absolute doll (can't you tell?).

So, obviously it was a very worthwhile trip and a great time in the end. And our very best wishes to Mr. and Mrs. Burnside!

I realized I never posted a "year" wrap-up. I don't really know where to begin, but we are having a grand time, with very few bad days around here. She is such a happy, positive, spirited, easygoing little girl. I know it is supposed to get hard again eventually, but right now she is 100% pure love and I'm savoring it. My recap of E, year two so far:

Girly, girly girly. Necklaces, bracelets (neither of which I wear very often, no idea where this comes from), baby doll, sunglasses, purses. She is a little lady.

Baby doll. I've said it before and I'll say it again: she is obsessed. Wakes up from naps pointing to baby doll (who is not allowed in the crib) and boohooing. "Burps" her, puts her in a high chair to feed her. Rocks her, hugs her, talks to her. Who even knows what she and BD chat about all day. Here BD, have a Cheerio.

Baby Doll, Eliza and I have been working on connecting with our inner artist selves. This consists of me showing her how we can make pictures with our crayons (see: mouse) and Eliza making a scribble, then feeding the crayon to BD. 

Here's BD doing her best Baby Jesus.

Her favorite, favorite book right now is a throwback, anti-feminist Golden Books classic called "Little Mommy" and we read it 78 times a day. It makes being a mommy look so glamorous (I do the dishes and sweep the floor / And wipe the fingerprints off the door...). As you can imagine, Miller LOVES reading this one to her.

Still talks all day long - in the car seat, to her baby, to her books, to herself. She talks to us in an alien garble, very self-assured of what she's telling us, pointing and conversational. Very chatty. New words all the time emerge from the jibberish, and she knows lots of animal sounds which is freaking precious. May have to upload that video. Oh, and of course, E loves a good game of peekaboo with Dada and strangers alike.

She hasn't hit any kind of shy phase yet. She is very good at restaurants, partly because she is completely consumed by her main goal: waving people down from the high chair, determined to make them say hello and be her new friend. She has kisses for her little friends too, regardless of whether they reciprocate:

Our dear Lizzy Lou continues to be THE messiest eater of all the babies I know. We hypothesize that part of her whole charming restaurant schtick is to win over the waitresses so she can dump food on the floor without remorse.

That said, she eats everything happily and is a very good eater. Can't win em all I suppose, and our dogs certainly appreciate the mess.

Every morning, she and I wait for Dada on the bed so she can hand him his socks and undershirt after his shower. It's a very important thing she has to do. Some mornings she tries his clothes on while she waits.

Other random things she knew around a year: pointing to most of her body parts (head, of course, being the favorite, as we still put everything on our head), animal noises, pointing to communicate needs. I'm sure there are others...

THE question everyone asks when they turn a year: Is she walking? Well, she took her first independent steps a few days after her Christening (that would be June 5, her due date). Since then, she has taken many more, and walks on her own part of the time now, but still prefers crawling or holding onto a finger to full-on toddling. At this point, we are very close to being a full-time walker, but I haven't been pushing it; I know she'll do it when she's ready.

E is a tough little gal. She recovers pretty easily from the tough bonks and falls, and many don't faze her at all. She dropped the bottle right at year one, so easy. Can be left with anyone, even a new babysitter, quite happily; in fact as I drove away from her for the night in Colorado, she clapped and waved at me from the stoop. "Byyyyeeee!!" Sniff. She is my adventurous, secure, easygoing girl.

Probably the hardest thing since she turned one: We consolidated the nap for about two weeks, because she started skipping her afternoon one regularly. It was a big transition for us both, and she handled it wonderfully (better than me - such a shake-up to the routine!).

Then we came home from Colorado, her schedule all shaken up, and it was clear she needed two again. We haven't looked back - I love two naps a day. Sometimes she just chatters in her crib instead of sleeping, and other mornings she sleeps two hours, so I've just decided to impose a morning and afternoon "rest hour" regardless of whether she sleeps for the indefinite future.

Here's little miss no-nap a few days ago. Passed out on the way home from the grocery store after chattering through the morning nap. Not tired, eh Liz?

"Eliza, can you give Maddie a hug?"

I have so many indescribably precious, perfectly ordinary moments with her and every single day I thank every lucky star there is (and my wonderful husband) for the gift of watching her personality unfold daily. I'm not going to BS you guys. While it never stops being hard work, being Eliza's mama is a cushy job right now. Our days really are a lot of this:

This:

This:

This:

And this, my little laundry "helper":

Ending the day with:

And this.

In short, year two started out just a little bit easier than year one. I wouldn't trade this time for anything. Love her.

So, that about wraps it up. Oh, wait, there was this one other thing. Speaking of year one. While in Colorado, we gave Daddy Jack a new cigar case. Rolled up inside was a little picture.

Can you guess what it was?

 

Eliza is very excited to share that she will have her very own, real life baby doll to play with in early February (or, more likely, January!). We are thrilled to pieces and can't wait to meet our precious little Peanut. This pregnancy has been exactly like the last one, down to the cirtus cravings and meat aversions, though the exhaustion becomes more pronounced when you're chasing around a little one. 

 

I try to stick to my "Sesame Street on Saturday mornings" rule to keep E. from being too much of a TV junkie, but I admit there have been a few days lately, like this one, when I've thrown a snack on the table, settled into the couch, and ordered up a little Elmo.  

And then, the sweetest thing happened: my crumb-clad little baby climbed into my lap to watch.

Goodness.

Other than that very green day in Colorado, I have been feeling pretty good for a pregnant lady and all looks great thus far! We also have a contract on a house, but given the arduous length of this post already, I am going to have to leave that for another day, when we are a little further along in the process and have more to report. Needless to say, things have been busy busy around here, and the blog tends to get a bit neglected during such times. All my time and energy is going to E., being pregnant, and Pinterest searches for things like "front door" and "white kitchen" and "wainscoting." You don't want to be in my head right now.

As we seem to always do everything at once (Miller started law school the same week we got married), we are currently scheduled to be moving in, finding out the sex of the baby, and celebrating our fifth anniversary all on the same day. Whew. What a perfect way to ring in five years. So, stay tuned, friends! 

Our little firecracker

I'm a little embarrassed to say that this is the first time I have looked at the blog on my computer since Father's Day. I thought I had posted one from our trip to Colorado but it appears my app on my phone is not quite as reliable as I thought. It was a very hectic trip - short and plagued with pretty horrific travel woes - and took a little recuperating on mama's part upon our return. Pardon my absence (again).


We had a lovely fourth. Did you? I decorated a chariot for our little firecracker to ride in the neighborhood parade. Here's where I add the disclaimer that I refused to search high and low for 4th of July decorations, and Target was my only stop. Despite advertising summer all over the store, 4th of July was not happening at our Target. So I was stuck with baby blue and white crepe paper from the party aisle, a few balloons and some flags (thanks Browne family!).



It seems this is one of the bigger neighborhood parades going down in Austin; I used to ride my bike in it when I was little. They had a high school marching band, an army of kids on decked out bikes and wagons and strollers, a vintage car parade following behind, and thick crowds of people lining the streets. Eliza was a little wide-eyed by the crowds, but perked up now and then to wave at dogs and strangers on our route. It was a fun morning.

When I first took my camera out, it was so muggy that my camera fogged up. I think the effect was kind of cool though:

Obviously, we had to bring along a half-dressed Baby Doll for the ride. Girlfriend is obsessed with BD. Addicted more like. Poor BD gets dragged around airports, scraped along floors, tucked into grocery carts. As long as Baby Doll is there, she is a happy girl. It's very precious (though I am washing her clothes on an almost daily basis). Thank you, Martha and Roy, you for sure win the favorite present prize!



Oh, and necklaces. We wear necklaces everywhere we go. This started with the glamorous play beads at the Malatestas but she quickly moved onto my collection of old necklaces, pointing at different ones for me to let her wear. On this day she got to wear a particularly heavy pair in the parade. They did, after all, match her outfit. Then of course, as soon as we got there she wanted me to wear them for the rest of the time.





Here's where she really perked up: we ran into little man Bryker toward the end of our route. Commence flowery 80s love montage music.





For the record, Bryker wants nothing to do with Baby Doll. Don't even think about it, E. He made it pretty clear he ain't gonna be playing house with no girls.



Cuties. His mama Kelly is convinced he is has a massive, soul-altering crush on little E.


I'm fairly certain the feeling is mutual.


We ended the day poolside at my mom's, chowing down on some absolutely delicious grilled fajitas. In Texas, fajitas are very American. Hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July!

XO
lmm